


You Were Always On My Mind

by Fatebegins



Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Soldiers, Top Jensen Ackles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 02:27:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3552596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fatebegins/pseuds/Fatebegins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for prompt: Jared is pregnant with his and Jensen's baby and Jensen's deployed. They keep in contact over video chat and the phone etc. and they're both happy. Until the calls stop coming - three days since he last heard from Jensen, Jared's stress ends him into premature labor.</p><p>Imagine his surprise when Jensen turns up at the hospital and admits that he'd been traveling home to surprise him. Happy reunion (although I can see Jared throwing in a humorous 'I'm still pissed at you') ever so often.</p><p>BONUS POINTS: - Schmoop. They love each other A LOT. - Would be nice to see them as a young couple, possibly married or engaged.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Were Always On My Mind

 

 

________________________

 

At the tail end of summer, there’s nothing better than good Texan barbecue.

 

Tonight’s for celebrating. Jensen’s latest deployment has ended and everyone is ecstatic he’s back in one piece. Jensen and Jared had done their own private celebrating the night before, and this g -rated shin dig is for their friends and family.

 

The barbecues always leave Jared feeling dazed, people are clamoring not only for Jensen’s attention but his. It’s not as if Jared disappears exactly when Jensen is deployed but he definitely doesn’t see friends as often because he has a tendency to bury himself in work to forget that he’s alone.

 

It’s always the same. Jensen returns and they all crowd into their backyard to rehash war stories. Jared doesn’t mind it. Jensen is always quiet the first couple of days back; stuck in his head he says. The worry for the men he left behind never really leaves but the first week is always hardest. Jared attempts to ease the transition; giving him space when he needs it, holding him when he wants it and letting him know how much he loves him.

 

“I’m gonna go grab another burger.”

 

Jensen’s announcement is met with good-natured boos; he’d been in the middle of telling another story about a raid. Jared is glad he’s stopping; he hates hearing about all the times Jensen nearly got killed. He’ll never understand the need to repeat it.

 

“I don’t know what that blue cheese is Chad‘s piling on but I‘ll be damned if it ain‘t the best tasting burger I‘ve had in a years.”

 

“I made you burgers last week.” Jared grumbles.

 

“Don’t pout.” Jensen says, and then stops. “Actually, pout, you look hot with your lips like that.”

 

That comment is met with amused groans, and Jared stops pouting long enough to send Jensen off with a kiss and shove.

As the others talk, Jared watches Matthew pushing Stella on the swing set. She’s giggling uncontrollably, alternating between staring at Matt and Jeff in absolute joy and screaming when she goes too high.

 

Something hits him then, a sharp pang of longing. It catches him off guard and Jared swallows his beer wrong. He starts coughing.

 

“You okay?” Jensen pats him on the back. “Or do I need to cut you off, drunk-y?”

 

Jared rolls his eyes and shoves his husband away. “Bite me.”

 

Jensen slides his arms around Jared‘s waist, bending to whisper in his ear. “I’d love to but there’s a child in the room.”

 

Leaning back against Jensen‘s broad chest, Jared continues to watch his friend‘s little family. Matthew had started a family seconds after he said I do, Jared is sure he would’ve been knocked up sooner if his mother wasn’t a devout Baptist who would disown him. Stella’s barely three and Matt’s already four months along with the next Morgan spawn.

 

“It’s not contagious, you know.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You’re staring at them like you’ll contract pregnancy.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

Jensen grins against his neck before pressing a kiss right beneath his ear. “You are.”

 

They’ve been married for going on four years. They’d met when Jared was eighteen and Jensen was a twenty two year old cocky son of a bitch who strode right up to him and declared he was his future husband. Jared hadn’t been impressed and let him know that it‘d be a cold day in hell before he was laid out on his back. Three days Jared had been on his back, on his knees and up against every damn wall in Jensen’s house and it had been snowing in hell. Jensen still likes to rub that in.

 

“She’s cute.”

 

“Yeah, she-” Jensen pulls back, eyes wide with shock. “Did you just call _Stella_ cute?”

 

“Why are you so surprised?”

 

“You call her a germ magnet, a cyclone, a --”

 

“Well, I never said she wasn’t cute.”

 

“ _Still_. “

 

“I’m allowed to have a change of heart.” Jared leans back against Jensen broad chest when he feels arms circle his waist. “She is cute.”

 

________________________

 

 

Birth control pills have always made Jared feel nauseous, compounded with his innate forgetfulness, it really wasn’t effective for him. After he started seeing Jensen, he’d switched entirely to condoms as a method of birth control. As a result, they’ve only had sex without a condom a handful of times, resorting to the line of shame for Plan B the next morning.

 

Now, condoms are the furthest thing on Jared’s mind.

 

They‘re naked on top of their bed, covers thrown off and pooled at their feet. Jensen is between his legs, hot and hard against this entrance and Jared bites back a moan when his cock nudges against him bare. He wants that, he wants nothing between them and he wants everything that means.

 

“Fuck me.” Jared’s hands slide down to Jensen’s firm ass and yank him closer. “Please, Jen. Now.”

 

“Condom--”

 

“Don’t need one.”

 

“But--”

 

“Stop arguing with me.” Jared kisses him hard, lifting his hips up in invitation. “Come on.”

 

With a remarkable lack of his usual finesse, Jensen fumbles back onto his knees, fingers gripping Jared by the hips as he lines himself up.   Jensen pushes in with one smooth thrust and Jared squeezes his eyes shut, moaning at the sweet burn of his husband's bare cock moving inside of him. He's hot and thick; Jared can feel every vein and spurt of pre-come. He clenches down hard, trying to get more. Always more as Jensen buries his face against his neck.  Jared cries out his name and Jensen starts a punishing rhythm, slamming into him.

Struggling to catch his breath, Jared gives as good as he gets and Jared feels himself coming far too soon. When he tells Jensen as much the bastard looks smug, Jared leaves scratches down his back for his trouble. All too soon he can feel his body tightening, balls drawing up and back arching as he come between them. Jensen groans, mouthing at his neck and sucking bruises into his skin as he continues to fuck him, drawing out Jared's orgasm and making him see stars. A half a dozen more thrusts and Jensen bites down and  comes inside of him, pumping him full.

“Gotta do that more often.” Jared bites Jensen neck, sucks hard enough to leave a mark, “You feel so good.”

 

Jensen rests his sweaty forehead against Jared‘s, still catching his breath.

 

When Jensen rolls off of him, Jared trails a hand down between his legs, watching Jensen watch him with sleepy eyes. He touches his fingers to his hole where Jensen’s come is still leaking out.

 

“Fuck; that’s hot." Jensen shifts closer, hand covering Jared’s as he pushes through the mess. “You’re going to need to go the pharmacy.”

 

“Actually…” Jared shifts onto his side. “I wanted to talk to you about that.”

 

That gets Jensen’s attention; a slight frown mars his forehead. “You’re going on birth control?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then…?”

 

“I kind of want to have a baby.” Jared mumbles the words out in a rush.

 

His announcement is greeted with silence.

 

“Say something.” Starting to feel panicked, Jared sits up and draws the sheets over his waist. “I’m not saying we have to try now or that I won’t take Plan B if that’s what you want but I just wanted to put it out there. That I’m ready now, if that’s what you still want. You wanted that--”

 

The rest of his word vomit is captured by a gentle kiss, Jensen’s hands cradling his jaw. When Jared opens his eyes, Jensen is staring back at him with a soft expression.

 

“There is _nothing_ I want more, Jared.”

 

Jared lets out a shaky breath. “Then we’re doing this?”

 

“We’re doing this.”

 

________________________

 

 

“Hell yeah!" Jensen shouts triumphantly as he pumps his fist into the air. “I always get it done on the first time.”

 

“You’re a pig.”

 

The smile Jensen gives is bright and filled with pride. “But I ain’t lying.”

 

“This is not how I imagined this moment.”

 

“We’re going to be parents!” Jensen grabs him up into a tight hug, jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas. And yeah, _this_ is how Jared imagined this moment. Jensen kisses him slowly, lips reverent and tender. “You’re having my baby.”

 

“We’re going to have a baby. “ Jared repeats back, he can feel excitement overtaking the initial fear.

 

Warmth floods him, and he embarrassingly gets teary eyed when Jensen presses the flat of his palm to his stomach. There’s nothing there yet, his hard won abs are still intact but the gesture is sweet.

 

Jared goes to toss the stick into the garbage but Jensen catches his hand. “We need to keep it! Matt kept Stella’s.”

 

“Just because we’re going to be parents, doesn’t mean we’re going to be the creepy Morgan‘s.”

 

“It’s cute--”

 

“It’s creepy.”

 

“For sentimental--”

 

“It’s a stick covered in my piss. Creepy.” Jared cuts him off with a kiss and Jensen pulls a face, making grabby hands. “We’re not doing any of that.”

 

Still, Jared doesn’t say a word when he finds the positive pregnancy test in the nightstand of Jensen’s drawer weeks later. In fact, he’s kind of happy that Jensen kept it. He’s totally becoming one of those parents.

 

 

________________________

 

Jared ignores Jensen as he eats. He knows his husband is watching him, he’s hard to miss, and gawking like he is, but Jared doesn’t care. He’s too busy devouring the _best_ pulled pork sandwich of his life. He has died and gone to heaven.

 

Jensen lets out another sound of surprise when Jared reaches for his third helping. And it’s not even that big of a deal; they’re _sliders_. Basically sliders.

 

“Jen, if you’re going to just stand there you can at least get me some mayonnaise.”

 

He gestures to the plate. “You going to eat that?”

 

“No, I’m just holding it and bringing it to my mouth for fun.”

 

“You’re going to--”

 

“I’m not going to make myself sick. I always eat a lot.”

 

“But this is an entire new level; will we even be able to afford feeding you?”

 

“Dick.”

 

“Just kidding.” Jensen dutifully drops the jar of mayo in front of him. “But you might wanna slow down, acid reflux and all.”

 

“I’ll be fine.” Jared snarls. He thinks he’ll bite off Jensen’s fingers if he tries to take his precious burgers away. “Just go get me orange juice.”

 

Jensen looks torn but in the end he gets the juice. And the cinnamon rolls Jared begs for after.

 

When Jared wakes up to searing pain, bad enough to make him whimper, Jensen doesn’t say I told you so or anything, just cuddles him close and hands over a waiting antacid.

 

________________________

 

The first prenatal appointment is uncomfortable and awkward. For once Jensen is the one who does the talking. It’s cute, just how involved Jensen is and Jared is so grateful that he’s going through this with someone who loves him so much.

 

Contrary to Matt’s prior complaints, the gel the technician spreads over his belly isn’t cold but warm. Jared’s nervous the entire time, thankful that Jensen hasn’t let go of his hand since he got on the examining table. He knows what to expect, he’s read the books and blogs, but it’s different when you’re actually going through it. In the span of the five minutes it takes the tech to set up the equipment, Jared has convinced himself that there’s something wrong.

 

By the time Dr. Pellegrino makes an entrance, all Jared wants are reassurances. Dr. Pellegrino is a serious looking man with warm eyes. Jensen had been referred to him by Matthew.

 

“Would you be able to tell if anything was wrong?” Jared asks hurriedly as soon as the wand is pressed down on his flat stomach. He doesn’t _look_ pregnant and for one hysterical moment, despite the nausea and headaches of the past month, Jared doubts he actually is. H’s going to seem like an insane person and Jensen will be devastated that bump Ackles is really just a figment of Jared’s warped imagination.

 

“If there’s any cause for concern I will inform you immediately, but I’ve reviewed your blood work and family history and nothing is abnormal so far.”

 

“Great.” Jensen grins wide, “Good. We’ve been doing everything on the list, the vitamins and light exercise all that.”

 

“That’s good.” The doctor smiles in return, “Ready to get the first look at your baby?”

 

They both nod. As this is a male pregnancy an ultrasound is always done to determine how far along the expectant father is.

 

A blurry image fills the screen and Dr. Pellegrino points at a small blob. “There’s not much that you can discern, but right there, that’s the fetus. You appear to be about eleven weeks…”

 

Whatever else the doctor says is lost on him, Jared can only stare at the sonogram. He feels like his hear is about to beat out of his chest, his world narrowing to the tiny circle on the screen and Jensen’s hand squeezing the life out of his. This is his child, their baby that they just decided to make and its.

 

It’s fucking glorious.

 

Jared may not have the how’s and the actually raising part down, but he knows he has he love part in the bag because suddenly his pregnancy is more than just a nagging nausea and heart burn. It’s a child and he already loves it entirely.

 

Jensen wraps an arm around him, staring at Jared‘s stomach before his face breaks into a heart stopping smile. “There’s our baby.”

 

 

________________________

 

Thankfully, after a few weeks the headaches disappear and the ginger tea Donna brews for him helps keep his nausea at bay during work. He’s no longer constantly having to rush from the nurses’ station to the bathroom just to avoid puking all over his colleagues.

 

“Jay, where did you stash my mousse?”

 

Jared steps out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. “It’s on the dresser!”

 

He shakes his wet hair out of his eyes and tries to find the will to be excited about going out, even if it is for something as boring as a family dinner. He, his bed, pizza and Netflix have becoming very good friends and Jared is reluctant to leave them. Especially when it’s becoming harder and harder to find clothes that don’t feel tight enough to suffocate.

 

Jared towel dries his hair, grabbing the blow-dryer from under the sink. “You find it, Jen?”

 

There’s no response and he turns to find Jensen standing at the bathroom door, mouth hanging open. He’s already dressed in dark slacks and a forest green sweater that highlights his eyes and makes Jared’s mouth water.

 

“What are you gawking at, Jen?”

 

“Nothing, it’s just…” Jensen’s expression is the dopey one he gets when he sees animals of different species being friends on you tube. “You’re showing.”

 

“Sap.”

 

“Fine; I‘m a sap.” Jensen agrees easily, eyes still fixed on his midsection. “Can I?”

 

“Like I could say no.”

 

As soon as he nods, Jensen rushes over and places both his hands over the tiny curve, fingers spanning the bump. His green eyes fill with something akin to wonder. Jared thinks he looks like the princess in _Tangled_.

 

It’s hilarious; Jared can’t hold back his laughter.

 

“What?”

 

“Casey is right.”

 

Jensen raises a brow in question.

 

“He says you look like tangled and he’s totally right.” Jared touches the soft blonde tufts of hair. His hair is longer now; he always lets it grow out when he gets back home. “My Disney Princess.”

 

“You’re lucky it’s very hard to hate you right now.”

 

Jared shrugs, turning to look at them in the mirror. He can see the swell of his belly, the loss of definition. “So what do you think bump Ackles is?”

 

“I want a boy and a girl.”

 

“Bite your tongue.”

 

“Doesn’t matter to me.” Jensen continues to stroke Jared’s skin in feather light touches. “Just want him or her to be healthy.”

 

Jared rolls his eyes. “Everyone says that but they really have a preference, don’t be a corny Dad already.”

 

“Well, don’t really know what to do with a girl…”

 

“So you want a boy?”

 

“But then again I wouldn’t mind a little spitfire like Stella, with your eyes and dimples and hair--”

 

Jared flushes, putting his hand over Jensen’s. “My body is not a pizza oven, it doesn’t take orders.”

 

Jensen laughs. “Hey, you asked.”

 

“I did.” Jared picks up his brush, trying not to show just how damn emotional he’s getting from Jensen’s sweet words.

 

Growing up, he never had a father. Patrick flitted in and out of his life when it was convenient. He treated Jared like a nuisance at best, always promising things only to leave him letdown. Jared lost count of how many times he waited for him, clinging to the promise of a baseball game or a trip to the movies. He never showed. He would come back with excuses; more promises and Jared would always believe him, wanting so badly to have that man’s love. Until one day, Patrick never returned.

 

This baby would never have to go through any of that shit. Never be left alone and discarded like trash. Jensen would love them wholeheartedly, be a great Dad. Hell, he’s already a great Dad, rubbing Jared’s feet after he finishes his shift, cooking his favorite chili and he’s been hoarding parenting books like they’re going out of style.

 

Hand slightly shaking, Jared begins to brush his hair, tugging harshly through the tangled strands. He can feel tears stinging at his eyes and wonders why that asshole can still affect him even after all this time.

 

“Hey.” Jensen stills his movements, takes over. “Let me do that.”

 

Jared lets him, just stands there like a mannequin and tries to get himself under control.

 

“You aright?” Jensen asks softly, he’s looking at Jared like he can read everything that’s going on in his mind.

 

Jared nods. “You’re going to be a great Dad; our kid hit the jackpot.”

 

Jensen lets the brush drop to the sink, cups Jared’s face in his hands to press a tender kiss first to his forehead, cheek and then mouth. “So are you.”

 

________________________

 

“Would you like to know the sex?”

 

“I wanted to wait.” Jared begins watching the black and white image of their baby on the ultrasound. It’s more than a blob now, it has a head and belly and little legs that Jared can make out without the tech pointing to them.

 

“And I told him waiting is for suckers.” Jensen interrupts. “Lay it on us, Dr. Pellegrino.”

 

Always cautious, Mark looks at Jared and waits for his nod before answering. “It’s a boy; congratulations.”

 

There are no words to describe the feeling of overwhelming joy that courses through Jared. He’d known it was real before but knowing the baby’s sex makes it so _clear_.   He’s having a son, a little boy whose half Jensen and himself. Jared barely notices when Dr. Pellegrino excuses himself, he only has eyes for his husband.

 

“Jay?!” Jensen looks like a kid on Christmas. Jared’s never seen him so happy. “We’re having a boy!”

 

Jared squeezes Jensen’s hand tightly, and pulls him down for a kiss. “I know, babe, happy?”

 

“That word doesn’t even begin to describe it!” Jensen kisses him again, missing his mouth and landing on the corner of his lips. “I gotta call my parents, and Josh…shit! I told Mac I‘d tell her as soon as we--”

 

“Jensen.” Jared stops him. He doesn‘t have parents to tell, but even if he did he‘d like to hold on to this for a while longer. “There’s tons of time for that later, can’t we just stay here for a bit; keep all this between the two of us for a little longer?”

 

Jensen’s is pure warmth and love. “We can do that.”

________________________

 

 

“He’s jumping all over the place.” Jensen says, face pressed against the curve of his belly. “How the hell are you going to sleep tonight?”

 

Jared winces as his son lands another particularly hard kick below his ribs, “I’m not going to sleep at all apparently.”

 

“Are you going to call out?”

 

The bedside clock reads one twenty a.m. “If he keeps up like this for the rest of the night, then yeah.”

 

“Six months in utero and already throwing wild parties.” Jensen turns his face, peppering kisses over his taut skin. “Young grasshopper, quiet down in there, your neighbor doesn‘t appreciate it.” He pauses dramatically, and then glances back up at Jared. “Did it work?”

 

Jared snickers. “You’re so stupid.”

 

“Kind of helpless here, Jay, just trying to feel useful.”

 

“Then come here.” Jared tugs him forward and pushes down on Jensen until he settles back against the pillows. As soon as he does, Jared lays on his side, tucking his leg between Jensen’s. He snuggles close and Jensen instantly, holds him at his side, pulling the thick comforter over them. “You can be my body pillow.”

 

“As long as it makes you feel better.” One hand drops to the small of his back and starts to knead in circles. Jared moans at the contact; he’s been so tense and achy lately. “Good?”

 

“Mm, put those muscles to use.” Jared’s eyes flutter closed on another moan. “Better than sex.”

 

“I know that’s just the pregnancy brain talking.”

 

 

________________________

 

 

“We can’t just do yellow for the walls and throw in some stuffed animals because grasshopper’s a boy; it’s cliché.”

 

“Okay, Martha Stewart, what are you thinking’?”

 

Jensen beams, “So I was talking to Matt--”

 

“Here we go.”

 

“ _And_ I spoke with Mom, and they told me about this website _Pinterest_. It’s online--”

 

“Hence, the term website.”

 

“And you can pin things, you know, and make themes and find something cool to do the baby’s room.”

 

Jared lift’s a brow; imagining Jensen on a computer, going through baby things makes him smile “Have you been _pinning_ things, Jenny?”

 

“I have some ideas.” Shockingly, Jensen’s blushing and Jared thinks it’s incredibly endearing how parenthood has turned his soldier into a pile of mush. “I was thinking about the stories you were telling about your Dad, and how one of your favorite memories was of him reading you your bedtime stories. Your favorite was “Where the Wild Things Are”. With him not bein’ here now, I wanted to find a way to incorporate him into grasshopper’s arrival.”

 

“Really?” Jared’s throat contracts with emotion. Every day Jensen shows him just why Jared loves him so damn much. “I wanna see it.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Jared follows Jensen back into their bedroom, sitting on the bed next to him when Jensen opens his iPad. The first bookmarked page is of a beautiful nursery, the simple color schemes modern and clean. The detail alone on the walls is amazing, and when Jensen clicks off the web to a saved image and magnifies the photos Jared can see that he’s circled things, written where to find them and what tools to purchase.

 

“Babe.” These aren’t half thoughts but fully realized visions, they show time and care, love and interest. “This is _incredible_ , more than…I don‘t even know what to say…I just, well.“ he inhales shakily, eyes taking in all the small details, bringing to life a memory he cherishes immensely. He ducks his head, feeling more than a bit vulnerable and overwhelmed. “Yeah, congratulations, Jen, you‘ve finally managed to make leave me speechless. You’ve got your miracle.”

 

Jensen brushes Jared‘s hair back from his forehead, tucking the longer strands behind his ear tenderly. “So I think it’s safe to say you like it?”

 

“I love it.” Jared has been thinking about his father so much more lately. It’s hard not to feel the empty space when he’s going to become a parent himself. “I can imagine us in there, with grasshopper when he gets here. I can‘t wait.”

 

That makes Jensen smile wider. “I can’t wait either.”

 

________________________

 

After so many years with Jensen, Jared learns to read him. He knows the tight line of his shoulders when he’s upset, the way he bites down on his lip when he’s anxious.

 

Jared knows before Jensen can say a word.

 

Jared drops the paintbrush on the plastic sheet they’d lain out over the floorboards. “When?”

 

“End of the month.” Jensen replies, voice hollow. His eyes a red; resigned. “I’m sorry to do this to you now.”

 

Jared wants to scream, yell, cry and punch Jensen all at once. He does neither. He’s a military husband and this is what that entails. Deployments are a part of their life, they always will be, and this one just hurts more because of the baby on the way. This is why other couples plan pregnancies down to the date, to avoid separation at critical moments.

 

Jared looks around the half-finished nursery. “Guess we better kick it into high gear then?”

 

Jensen sees right through him and instead of picking up his own paint roller, draws him close, hand running down his back soothingly. “Jared, it’s okay to be upset.”

 

“Why would I be? It’s not a surprise; I knew it was a possibility.”

 

“It still sucks.” Jensen tips Jared’s chin up, forcing him to meet his eyes. “Baby, don’t…”

 

Too late.

 

Fat tears are rolling down his cheeks and Jared hates himself for not being able to stop them. He’s not weak and he doesn’t want to make Jensen feel like shit but he can’t stop. He’s getting that awful feeling again, the sick, empty and abandoned feeling that used to send him hiding in his tree house for hours.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.” Jensen tells him, thumbs catching his tears. “Don’t be.”

 

________________________

 

 

Jared spends the ride staring out the window, the world a blur of autumn colors. Jensen doesn’t put on the radio and the silence is heavy between them.

 

“Hey.” Jensen takes his hand at a traffic light, threading their fingers together. He’s dressed in his fatigues, blonde hair shorn close once more. “You alright?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

It’s a lie but the truth won’t help anyone. He knows Jensen needs to feel like he will be fine on his own, so he tries. He’s stronger than this, he always has been.

 

Jensen’s thumb strokes over the back of his hand soothingly. “It’ll be over before you know it.”

 

“It’s no big deal, right? We’ve done this so many times before.”

 

“Absolute pros.” Forcing a smile, Jared nods. “Piece of cake.”

 

The rest of the drive is passed like that, Jensen steering with his left hand while his right hand is held in Jared’s over their son.

 

It’s over too quickly, and Jared finds himself outside of the base, watching other couples say goodbye as Jensen pulls out his US issue duffle from the trunk. He slings it across his back and Jared remembers the first time they did this, how he was thinking that they would never last. He’d wanted to break up with him then, convinced that nothing was worth the pain of separation. But then Jensen had stopped midway to the bus, half turned to smile at him, sun hitting him from behind as he raised his hand in final farewell. And Jared had fallen irrevocably in love.

 

“Stay safe.” Jared brings their lips together, kissing him with all the love he feels. “Please. For both of us.”

 

“I will. I love you.” Jensen tells him fervently after the kiss breaks, hands tight around him. “Take care of yourself and grasshopper.”

 

It doesn’t matter how many times Jared’s had to watch Jensen walk away and board that bus; it always feels like the first time.

 

________________________

 

“Did you get even _bigger_? Sure we’ve only got one in here?”

 

Jared makes a mock angry face at the webcam, unconsciously trying to hide his enormous stomach. He‘s been eating a lot of takeout recently and its showing. “You’re an asshlole; you can’t say that to a pregnant person.”

 

“What’d the doctor say yesterday?”

 

“The nausea is normal this late but he gave me something to take if it gets really bad.”

 

“Have you been taking it?”

 

“Yes, Dad, and it‘s a suppository.”

 

Jensen snorts. “Fun.”

 

“Oh yeah, out the same size as you.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Serves you right.” Jared grins around a mouthful of pretzels. “But really, they do help, and I feel fine.”

 

“Good, I worry about you.”

 

Jared hesitates as he eases himself down on the couch, moving the laptop with him. It‘s in the middle of the night and this is fucking with his sleep cycle but he needs to see him. “Any word on your request for a leave?”

 

Jensen shakes his head and even through the computer screen Jared can see his disappointment and guilt. “I’m trying, baby, but there’s an order to these things.”

 

“I know.” Jared’s always known there was a huge possibility he’d be alone in the delivery room but that hadn’t stopped him from hoping. “It’s fine.”

 

“Jared--”

 

“Let me get Harley and Sadie, they miss you too.”

 

________________________

 

 

“Wait, so you’re crazy enough to do it the natural way?” Chad stares back up at the plastic diagram showing how the baby descends through the birth canal, similar to what happens with a woman and then back at his stomach. “Dude, get a C-section. For the love of all that‘s holy, have it cut out of you.”

 

“Did I mention how supportive you are?”

 

Chad shrugs, “That video they made us watch should not have been called The Miracle of life, it should’ve been called Alien v Predator III.”

 

“Again, I’m so glad you came to Lamaze class with me.”

 

“Hey!” Chad seems to catch on to the sarcasm. “I’m helping; I counted breaths and shit with you.”

 

It‘s just like Chad to conveniently not mention the fact that he‘d started beat boxing midway through much to the non-amusement of the other expectant couples. “Again, eternally grateful you‘re here.”

 

“You think that girl’s single? She looks hot as fuck pregnant.”

 

Before Jared can touch that with a ten foot pole, his cell vibrates in his pocket. Jensen. “I’m going outside for bit.”

 

Chad waves him off with a mumbled yeah.

 

“Hey.” Jared answers, “How are you?”

 

“Good, sunburned as fuck and pretty sure I’ve got sand in my ass but other than that, can’t complain.”

 

“I don’t even want to know what you’ve been doing to get sand up there.”

 

Jensen chuckles. “I miss you, sweetheart.”

 

“I miss you, too” Jared bites down on the surge of longing. “We both do.”

 

“He still giving you hell?”

 

“Sleeps more now.” Jared replies, hand going to his stomach fondly. “Gave me a scare when he didn’t move for a whole day.”

 

“What do you mean ‘scare’?”

 

“Nothin’.” Jared’s embarrassed about it now. “I ran into the ER thinking something was wrong because he hadn’t moved.”

 

“Oh, Jay.”

 

“I know I’m an idiot--”

 

“No, you’re not an idiot. And I’m sorry you had to go through something like that alone. I know you must‘ve been scared.”

 

“I had Chad with me, it was fine.”

 

“But everything was fine?”

 

“Yeah, Doc says it’s just getting a bit tight in there for him, you know he’s nearing six pounds now.”

 

“Little porker.”

 

Jared smiles through the tears. “Has my appetite, poor kid. I keep feeding him Italian sausage and maple syrup.”

 

“Jay!” Chad runs out onto the sidewalk, cradling his cheek, which is red, imprint visible. “That girl is not single.”

 

“That Chad?’ Jensen asks. “What’s he yelling about.”

 

“Nothing important.” Jared shakes his head. “We’re leaving Lamaze, did a lot of pain management techniques today.”

 

“We saw Alien versus Predator!” Chad yells over his shoulder.

 

Jensen snickers, and Jared wishes he could see him right now. “Do I even want to know what he’s talking about?”

 

“I’ll email it to you later.” Jared promises. “But it’s safe to say I’m rethinking the whole no drugs thing.”

 

Jensen makes a sound of sympathy. “I support you on that. Can I call you tonight?”

 

Jared should say no, should settle for just emails because he’s still and has two more weeks until paternity leave but he can’t bring himself to. “Sure.”

 

 

________________________

 

 

 

Heartburn wakes Jared early Christmas morning. He sits up in bed, groaning as his eyes fall on the empty side of the bed.

 

“Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown.” He says to the empty room glumly.

 

Jared hadn’t wanted to join any of his friends or Jensen’s family, choosing instead to spend it alone much to their horror. He’s just not in the mood to celebrate much, at least not so early in the morning. So he rolls out of bed, takes a nice, long, hot shower and then drinks a massive cup of Ginger Spice tea along with frozen waffles as he watches ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’.

 

Around three o’clock, Jensen’s parents arrive bearing tons of gifts and even more food. They cook and laugh and try to fill the silence but Jared can’t forget that Jensen is not there. Bridgette seems to read the sadness in his eyes and hugs him extra hard whenever gets within arm’s reach. Jared’s grateful for her; she’s everything a mother should be.

 

Finally, just past six Jared gets the incoming Skype call he’s been waiting for all day. Jensen’s cheeks are slightly flushed and he’s got on a faded Santa Claus hat. Tim and Jason are behind him, wide grins on their faces.

 

“Merry Christmas, Jay!”

 

“Merry Christmas.” Jared grins back. He knows the holidays are the hardest for Jensen. No matter how lonely he feels, at least he has family and friends around him. “Looks like you guys started celebrating early.”

 

“Get any good stuff?”

 

“The baby got most of the haul this year.” Jared gives his mother-in-law a look. “I think your mom is ready to trade her son for grasshopper.”

 

“Are we going to ignore the fact that I got you an ipad mini?” Bridgette rolls her eyes, and ruffles his hair. “Hello, Jensen.”

 

“Hiya, Mom, keeping my man happy while I’m gone?”

 

“Doing the best we can.” She replies, plopping down next to Jared. “Lily got you something.”

 

“What?”

 

“Jared, lift up.”

 

Jared tugs his shirt up, revealing his brightly painted belly. “It’s supposed to be an ornament but Lily sucks.”

 

Jensen laughs, eyes crinkling at the corners. “I love it.”

 

“Lookin’ good, Jared!” Will hoots, shoving his face in front of Jensen. He‘s one of Jensen’s oldest friend‘s they’ve been on near twelve deployments together. “Take it all off.”

 

Blushing, Jared yanks his shirt down. “Hi, Will, still a freak I see.”

 

“You say freak, I say lover of beauty; still waiting on you to leave Jensen’s ass and fall in love with me.”

 

“That’s going to happen any day now.”

 

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

 

 

______________________________

 

“So Chad’s been doing a good job?”

 

Jared thinks back to Chad burping the fake baby so hard its plastic head fell off. Jared‘s just waiting for the day that the teacher politely takes them aside after class and ask them not to come back. “That’s a matter of opinion.”

 

“But you’re learning, right?”

 

“I am.” Jared taps his belly. “Grasshopper’s turned around.”

 

“So he’s right on schedule.”

 

For the past few days his back pain has been nearly unbearable, and Jared can’t fool himself. He’s close to actual labor; any day now. “He’s inherited your obnoxious punctuality.”

 

Jensen doesn’t laugh. “I wish I was there; for him, for you.”

 

“We’ll be fine, Jensen.” Jared assures him because he doesn’t want Jensen worried and distracted while patrolling a dangerous country. “And when you get back, me and Camden will be waiting.”

 

“We are not naming him Camden.” Jensen wrinkles his nose in distaste, “That’s setting him up to be a preppy asshole.”

 

“Well, he’s not going to be called Bentley.”

 

“Then it’ll have to be Grasshopper, the only name we agree on.”

 

Jared laughs, turning to lay on his side as he looks at Jensen. He caresses his stomach and tries to imagine that Jensen is here with him instead of thousands of miles and an ocean away. “I miss you.”

 

“Me too; every damn day.”

 

They lapse into silence, each simply staring at the other. Jared wants nothing more than to just hold Jensen’s hand, to feel the strength and draw comfort from it. He knows the longing shows on his face because Jensen looks so damn sad.

 

Jared touches the screen, watches the pixels flow as he presses his index finger over Jensen’s face.

 

“ _Hey Jude, don't make it bad take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart then you can start to make it better.”_

 

Jared closes his eyes, faint smile playing at his lips as he hears Jensen sing softly. The fatigue that he’s been carrying all day overwhelms him, enveloping him and dragging him under.

 

_“Hey Jude, don't be afraid, you were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin then you begin to make it better…”_

 

____________________________

 

 

Pregnancy is no longer fun.

 

Jared feels heavy, his back aches and the nausea is always present. He gets hot flashes, dizzy spells and sleeps all day. He wants it to be over, as much as he loves his son, he doesn’t think he can deal with being so tired and achy for another two weeks.

 

To make matters worse, for the past week Jensen hasn’t been available on Skype, their twice weekly meeting dates go past in silence and Jared starts to panic. Jensen’s never unreachable; he knows that Jared worries, he knows that especially right now he needs to be able to get in touch with him.

 

Everyone tells him not to worry but even Jared can see the apprehension they’re trying to hide. Chad is worst at hiding it, pacing and making calls when he thinks Jared isn’t paying attention.

 

It all comes to a head when Jared’s watching the news and learns that several US bases have been firebombed. The world tilts on its axis and sharp pain brings him to his knees. He must make a sound, scream or cry of something because Chad is running in, face white and bowl of popcorn flying to the floor.

 

“Are you okay? Is everything okay?”

 

 _Nothing_ is okay, Jared wants to say but he can’t find his voice through the pain. Jensen is missing and hat can mean anything. He could be anywhere, he could be a prisoner, scared, hurt or worse while…

 

 

Jared’s in labor.

 

________________________

Jared‘s admitted to the hospital near three o’clock in the afternoon. If he wasn‘t in so much pain he‘d be terrified. In between contractions all he can think of is Jensen, how he‘s lost contact and could possibly be laying dead. He struggles to think of his voice, the way he sings, soft and deep, anchors Jared in the world. He can’t do this without him; he doesn’t want to.

 

“Stay calm.” Bridgette keeps telling him in between wiping his brow. He wants to push but Dr. Pellegrino keeps telling him it’s not time no matter how much pressure he feels. “You’re doing fine, Jared.”

 

Her voice and presence offers little comfort.

 

“Did you try calling base again?”

 

Her green eyes reflect his fears. “I did, Jared, no response.”

 

Even though Jared promised himself and Jensen he’d be strong, the words break him. He begins to cry, sobbing. He’s afraid of this, afraid to give birth and afraid to be alone. All Jared wants is his husband.

 

 

________________________

 

When Jared is three centimeters dilated the anesthesiologist finally has mercy on him and administers the epidural. Things are calmer after that; Jared even manages to drift in and out of sleep. He hasn’t been sleeping well for the past week.

 

A warm touch at Jared‘s brow makes Jared stir. “Hey sweetheart.”

 

Jared’s breath hitches at Jensen’s voice. He’s dreaming, right at the edge of consciousness but he doesn’t want to wake up because Jensen is a part of this dream.

 

“Love you.” A kiss to his temple and Jared can even feel his stubble against his skin. Jared smiles, eyes closed. “We get to meet our baby boy.”

 

Jared sighs, hearing the monitors and noises of the hospital come in to focus. He’s waking up and he doesn’t want to.

 

“Open your eyes.” Jensen flicks his nose and Jared freezes: this isn’t a dream. “C’mon… I thought childbirth was more than just sleeping.”

 

“Jensen!” Jared reaches up and his eyes fly open when he feel’s Jensen’s cheek. Jensen is looking down at him, grinning that same smile that made him fall in love all those years ago. If it wasn’t for the dark circles beneath his eyes and the wrinkled uniform, Jared would be sure he’s hallucinating. “How..?”

 

“Leave pushed through at the last minute.” Jensen explains. “I’m here for two weeks.”

 

Jared thinks this is what winning the lottery must feel like.

 

“I expected you to be screaming your--”

 

Jensen breaks off when Jared punches him in the belly, hard.

 

“Ow! What was that for?!”

 

“I thought something bad happened to you! I couldn’t get in touch with you or--”

 

“I wanted to surprise you.” Jensen hugs him, stilling the feeble blows. “I’m sorry.”

 

“You idiot.” Jared sniffs, feeling a twinge of discomfort. It looks like the epidural may be wearing off or his labor is finally progressing, either way, all of this can wait. He wanted Jensen and he’s here. That’s the important thing. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

 

________________________

 

Labor turns out to be a lot less like The Miracle of Life and more like Alien vs. Predator III, just like Chad predicted. Even with drugs, the pain cuts through and the birth canal getting to ten centimeters feels as if it rips him in two. Jensen is with him for the entire thing, holding his hand, counting breaths and feeding him ice chips.

 

It’s messy and horrible and painful but then Jared hears the first watery cry of his red faced, gunk colored son and the world comes into focus. Jensen cuts the cord and he’s crying like a baby himself, watching as Doctor Pellegrino lays the baby on Jared’s chest and he gets to hold him for the first time.

 

“You’re the one who’s been kicking me for all these months.” Jared to him.

 

His son must hate the world outside because he’s crying and shuddering all through his initial examinations.

 

“Hey Jude,” Jensen whispers and Jared holds the infant tight. Jared thinks once his hair is dry it will be Jensen’s dirty blonde, his eyes a cloudy blue that may be Jared‘s or Jensen’s. “Don’t be sad…”

 

________________________

 

After the excitement of the day, Jared’s ready to sleep for a week. His eyes are at half-mast when Jensen comes into the room, their son cradled protectively in his arms.

 

“Hey.” Jensen whispers, and Jared shifts over gingerly so he can sit down next to him. Once Jensen settles he wraps a free hand around Jared. “Our kid looks just like you.”

 

“He better.” Jared grumbles playfully. “I did all the work.”

 

“I’m so happy that I didn’t miss this.” Jensen presses a kiss to the top of their son’s hair. “I get to have my whole world in my hands.”

 

“Me too.” Jared replies, “But I’m still pissed at you.”

 

“I’m going to grovel like no other, but you can never stay mad at me.” Jensen pulls a hideous face. “How can you stay mad at all this beauty?”

 

Jared laughs softly; shaking his head when he looks down into their baby’s sleeping face. He commits every line of his cheeks to memory, the slope of his nose and the fuzz of his nonexistent brow. “Shit. It’s going to be even harder to stay angry at you.”

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“Jude looks just like you.” Jared touches his son’s tiny hand, closing his eyes when Jensen kisses his forehead. “I can’t be mad when you gave me the most perfect gift.”

 

 

________________________

 

 

 

 


End file.
